2004 Honorable Mention

KEITH YODER

SHARE MY SOUL
(ADAPTED FROM WALT WHITMAN'S "SONG OF MYSELF")

1

I laugh to see myself; I will tell you what I see,
And you will see through my eyes and hear through my ears,
And you will understand as I do, life with its intricacies and beauty.

I stretch out, rest my head upon my hands and lay on my back,
I stretch out, and reach for my past to review what I have seen,
And I wonder at what life is, at what it means, in what key it sings.
I shall tell you what I see, because we are separate,
But I will make you understand and comprehend me and you will share my soul.

I now put down in ink, (what I should like to compose or rhyme) to you,
Though yet a youth of seventeen, not yet two decades old,
I have lived and I have seen and heard and laughed and cried.
And so, I will reveal my sphere and show you what glories I have found,
But not glories only, but pain and shame and disgrace,
And all manner of things.
If I have lived, then I have felt, if only but in part.
If I have lived it, I will tell you of it, and you shall experience it all.

2

I hear a song from all people, some fast, some slow, or happy, or sad, but all sing.
I hear daughters laugh, dancing through fields without care, carefree and alive.
I hear sisters weep, without a home, watching one become two and separate, lacking love,
          divorce and rejection devouring them.
I hear sons shout, running along the riverbed, carrying sticks and throwing rocks, joyous
          and mischievous.
I hear brothers cry, when bikes are broken, and knees are skinned, and daddy has gone
          away, and when silence is more honorable but painful, and scared little boys
          forget shame and weep without it.
I hear daddies chuckle, with twinkle in eye while they hold presents behind their backs
          and life is secure.
I hear fathers sob, for love gone, whether flesh or not, wife, job, or child, and for fear of
          future.
I hear mommies giggle, children learning to live, running to her with treasures they’ve
          found.
I hear mothers bawl, children learning to live, walking alone, forgetting home.
I hear emotion poured out of souls, pain and joy, mixing together.

Listen to the hearts of men and women, and they will tell you their songs.
Learn from the sorrow of a mother who has lost a son, a child who has lost his father, and
          a father who has lost his,
Learn from the laughter of a man beaten and poor, who sings praise to God when even
          his friends leave.
Listen! Do not become cold and callous, ignoring the plucking of heartstrings that
          reminds you that you are alive.
Let these be your teachers, anguish and delight.
Let your heart be heard through the blockade of your mind.

3

Many talk of fashion and weather and fleeting affections,
But these are empty, lacking the flavor of the meat of love, faith, truth, beauty, and hope.

I want to savor life, to taste its inmost parts, to taste the real and true, and digest it and let
          it nourish my soul.
I have known the power of passion that unbinds and sets free only to bind to itself.
I have known truth that hurts to see and cuts to the soul.
I have known truth that defies reason or emotion and drives a person.
I have known belief that holds up a person and supports them through the direst of
          circumstances,
And I have known belief that was misplaced and carried its captive to the brink of
          destruction and beyond.
I have known beauty that brings tears and tears open calluses on hearts, symphonies and
          concertos that wake us up.
I have known hope that allows for peace when all seems lost and saves souls.

And I know friendship in all its fullness save that which accompanies death.
Many an hour was spent with friends debating and laughing, philosophizing and
          dreaming, crying, comforting, and sharing.
Many an hour was spent with friends sitting in silence, thinking, experiencing the simple
          company of a companion, listening to one weave wings to escape time and space.
Many times a twinkle in the eye, a wink, a glare, or even a growl conveyed deep-felt
          love.
Many an hour was spent in expectation of the next meeting.
Many an hour was spent mourning over the loss of one departing.
And few were the instants when separation was desired, once bonded, souls become soul.

And I know love in its mighty splendor and greatness.
I have wept at its powerful hands, for shame, loss, want, joy, and humility.
I have laughed at its light touch, ignored sleep and reason, given of myself, and been lost
          in the consideration of another.
I have been laid low, crushed, tossed, tickled, excited, and comforted by love.
I have killed prejudices and reached those unloved and untouchable with love.
I have known love's joy, its sorrow, and most of all, its power.

I have known the love of a father.
A father encourages, pushing forward even when it hurts.
A father keeps his family at the front of his mind, cutting out things that get in the way.
A father is strong but not harsh, love’s power and gentleness combined.

I have known the love of a mother.
A mother gives, never complaining, sacrificing always.
A mother is always listening, comforting, and consoling.
A mother firmly forces a grip on sanity but never forbids tears, love’s security distilled
          and intensified.

I have known the love of a sister.
A sister’s love stays, forgiving past wrongs, impatience, and rudeness.
A sister’s love is always at the edge of annoying but willing to help.
A sister’s love is ever trusting, never hating, love’s endurance and quickness manifest.

I have known the love of a family.
The love in a family withstands storms of layoffs, disagreements, death, life, and
          separation.
The love in a family is solid and strong, unshakeable, a foundation upon which to build
          greatness, love’s ability to empower.

4

If any of me is in a thing, the thing is doomed.
I must rid myself of me, take away the selfishness and make way for submission to God.
My misconceptions will destroy my logic,
My pride will corrode my kindness and generosity,
My lust will pervert my heart and render me incapable of love.
Only when I is He can anything good come from me.

God teaches me to love without condition,
I see the souls of the prostitute, the beggar, the politician, the teacher, the preacher,
          myself, and they are all beautiful.
Lost and tired, stumbling through life without a guide, they all press on.
Apathy alone is utter evil, even pride can be turned to focus on something other than self.

5

We are not the same.
Our lives spring from different places,
Our experiences depend on circumstances,
Our thoughts and beliefs are based on our experiences.
The farmer knows not the business of the banker,
The banker knows not the science of the plumber,
The plumber uses the farmer’s produce, but knows not from whence it came.

We live different lives and can but glimpse other spheres.
I feel alone, standing on a mountain
We can but see each other, but never come close enough to touch.
I speak, but we do not understand each other,
I sing, but the tune is strange and foreign,
I reach out, but touch no one.

My passion frightens, my joy at morning’s dew on grass, glimmering in the sunrise,
          confounds.
My deepest longings, my strongest faiths, my emotion and understanding, separate and
          alienate me.
I feel alone, with no one to share my thoughts with,
No one to laugh with, to understand the joy I feel,
No one with whom I can cry,
No one who understands the pain we cause, the belittlement and jeering.

6

I stand alone, the wind whipping through the wheat fields,
Rain decorating the dry ground beneath my feet,
And out of the mist a companion or two emerges.

I sit with my few friends, peers.
We share the same shock of discovery; we are not alone.
My insights and passions are matched, putting up a wall of security around us.
We stand together, separate from society, together, but so very alone.
I want to make us one, you and I, that we could sit together under the willow and talk and
          listen and be silent.
I try now, to make my vision ours, to take of myself and make an elixir,
An elixir that will join our thoughts together, to make us understand each other, to know
          each other.
We will love each other as I love God and He loves me.
We will know each other as I know God and He knows me.
We will share in life, breathe deep the fragrance of existence and become as one,
Yet even as one, we will be separate, beautiful as individuals while connected still.